We always looked at the fact that our son would die at some point, at a time that wasn’t necessarily natural in the way all other children progress and grow, so in working with the psychologist she really taught us to treasure every day and to live every day in the present and gave us the space I needed to do anticipatory grieving and found the space with our family counselor to do that anticipatory grieving without being judged. I think that helped quite a bit actually, being able to talk through the “what ifs”, being able to talk through those kinds of situations on a regular basis whether it was with his doctor or the psychologist was extremely helpful.
Just venting with the therapist
I remember the first visit with the therapist. I was just so overwhelmed and so devastated that my first visit, I just let everything go and out. It was a relief to be able to tell somebody how I was feeling. I couldn’t do that with my family so much after Andy passed because not everybody understood me. Instead, I felt as though everybody wanted me to be where they thought I should be. So, I was really more angry with them and bitter. I just kind of shut down with them, so it was good to be able to go to someone who had nothing to do with any of it and was just there to hear what I had to say. That was helpful.
An incredible therapist
My husband and I and our daughter saw a psychologist here to help us with the trajectory. We saw her after she died as well. I would say the combination of this incredible therapist who helped us think about the fact that she was going to die, helped us be with the fact that she was going to die, and helped us right after she died. We went from seeing her once a month to every two weeks to once a week. After she died we saw her every two weeks. She saw our four year old daughter a couple of times before and a couple of times after. I would say that was the most important resource we had. Our therapist is a very spiritual person, which was tremendously helpful. My husband and I were fairly spiritual already and our spirituality grew tenfold.