What I learned now, with anything in life, is that it doesn’t matter if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, you have two choices; you can lie down and give up, or you can fight it. I don’t think I ever really understood that until I watched him live his life.
Mother
Don’t take things for granted
It made me appreciate things, not take things for granted that you may not have tomorrow. I don’t think I ever really did, but it really made me believe in that, and know that that was true. It made me more aware of it, and not to hold onto bitterness. It’s made me quicker to let go of anger, or even driving down the street and getting ready to yell at somebody, road rage, it just makes it stop. Also, because I believe that there is a God and I believe that Andy is in Heaven and that I will see him again, it has made me more aware of how I live, and that I have to live a certain way to get to that place to see him again. So no, I’m not a religious person, and I’m not a holier than thou person. I’m not trying to be something I’m not, but it just made me want to be a better person.
Mother
Don’t sweat the small stuff
You feel like a stronger person. You don’t worry. You don’t sweat the small things in life. There are other things to worry about, not the little things.
Father
More Conscious
I don’t really feel that I was a bad person, but it makes me more conscious of wanting to do the way God would want people to do.
Mother
I think things through more, and I know he’s in heaven. And I guess I’m more conscious to make sure that I don’t do anything where I won’t get there too.
Mother
I don’t have that fear anymore
I sometimes remind myself of the saying “Only the good die young.” He was too good for this world and was taken to a higher place, a better life, before others because he was just too good for this world. He wasn’t afraid. As a result of his not being afraid, I don’t seem to have that fear of death that I had before. I’m not afraid, because he’s there.
Mother
At the end of the day
You abstain from the ostentatious; you do because it’s just so unimportant at the end of the day. An example would be to only take what you yourself can use. Don’t take too much. It’s not all about money and possessions; you know greed, about having all kinds of things for yourself or for your family, a big house or whatever. It has made me stop and think before I say “Oh, I wish I could have a $20,000 ring.” I don’t say I don’t want anything at all, but I could be happy with something a whole lot less and make a donation to Camp Mak A Dream or to another organization. I’m more conscious about sharing with people who might need what I can give.
Mother
Never give up
Paulina taught us never to give up. She taught us to be optimistic in the face of all odds, and the true meaning of love and devotion.
Mother
I definitely think that her life helped to bring us closer to God and has shown us things that I don’t know that we would have seen otherwise. I think she has encouraged us through her life to do things for others. We do a lot of things on holidays and for her birthday and just things in general because of her. I know we wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t for her. I know that she has made differences in people’s lives through bringing toys here for children on her birthday. We’ve done some things in regards to bereavement that I know have touched people’s lives. I know it’s only because of her.
Mother
Eye opening
The grieving process has been difficult but eye opening and important as well. My husband and I weren’t religious people at all, and I think that if we had any inkling of it, we completely rejected it after our son was born, sort of “Why me? Why us? How could a God actually do this?” I think that our time with him, and our therapist, whom I would really credit with this, allowed us to find a level of spirituality that we now have that we didn’t have before, organized religion and we wouldn’t have if we didn’t have him, and if we didn’t have our therapist. I think we could have gone through having him, and without our therapist, we wouldn’t have seen a lot of things that she opened our eyes to.
Mother
Don’t try to pretend
I personally have not had the energy to try to educate people in how to converse with me. I’m like “There are books on that.” I have found that I have lost a lot of friends. I have gained many friends as well. It’s really strange. You sometimes get support from where you least would have expected it and get disappointed where you have had an expectation. That, to me, was a crippling loss on top of all that we had experienced with Paulina because you can’t talk about the weather. Life changes, you’re perspective changes. I guess from that point of view, just be who you need to be. And don’t try to pretend.
Mother
Not getting something done at work is really irrelevant. She helps me put perspective on life.
Mother
The little things
A lot of the stuff that would normally bother me, I have a different perspective on it now. I can realize that they are not that important. I notice it a lot when I’m with other people because with me, a lot of things just don’t bother me anymore because they’re not that important. I see other people sometimes getting so upset and bothered by things and it makes me think that they don’t have a clue on what’s important in life. The little things aren’t that important to get upset over.
Father
There is something more
As far as spiritual beliefs, it kind of shook my beliefs in what is good and what is supposed to happen. I’ve never really been someone to attend church, although I do believe in the Higher Power. I believe that I can talk to that Higher Power or be spiritual without having to go to a center in public. I kind of do that on my own time. I had a lot of anger to begin with as to why are we having to go through this. But ultimately my spiritual beliefs became stronger because I feel like now I have acknowledged that there’s something more than just here on earth.
Mother
We are stronger
An experience like this, which I don’t wish on anybody in the world and I wish we never went through this, has made us stronger believe it or not.
Mother
I’m a little bit different in good and bad ways because of it. In part, I feel scarred. I feel a little sadness all the time that’s there. I feel this knowing that things are going to happen that aren’t the way you want them to be and you don’t have control. There’s also this other sense that maybe for some reason that I can’t see now, that this was meant to happen.
Mother