My mom helps me a lot; she’s my biggest motivator. If I am going to eat something that I am not supposed to eat, she gives me “that look.” She’s always on my back, and I think that motivates me a lot. She always does what’s good for me.
Like an Addiction
I have disagreements with my family about food all the time. My mom tries to stop me [from eating certain foods], and I know she’s trying to help, but I still get mad at her. It’s like an addiction– I get addicted to a food, and then I’ll eat it even when I’m not hungry. She’ll tell me that I’m overeating, and I’ll get really mad. But I know that she’s only trying to help.
Fights with Family Members
I live with my grandmother, and when I go outside after we have dinner to get some frozen yogurt or something she’ll say, “You really shouldn’t eat that; go put it away.” But that will just make me want to eat it more and more, because I’m kind of rebellious, and I don’t want to do what she says. The more she tells me not to, the more I want to. We get into fights a lot where I’ll go to eat something and she’ll say, “That’s so bad for you. Don’t eat it; put it down.” It’s really frustrating, because you don’t want someone to tell you what to eat. You want someone to be there to support you in the decisions that you make.
Feeling Uncomfortable
[I have disagreements with my family about food] all the time, like, “You shouldn’t eat that; don’t eat that!” It’s embarrassing, especially because my brother is in high school too, and he is really skinny. It’s just weird, because he is only two years younger than I am. I feel uncomfortable when his friends are over and my mom says something, because some of his friends’ older brothers are my friends.
My family has never seriously teased me. I have brothers, and they poke fun at me because they’re my brothers and that’s what they do. I never really took that to heart. But I’ve had my parents, grandparents, and aunts and uncles tell me, “You know, you really need to lose weight, because if you keep on this road, you’re going to be unhealthy.” And that hurts, because they’re supposed to be people who love me no matter what, but they’re telling me there’s something wrong with me. I know that’s not really what they’re saying, but that’s how I interpret it. I took it the same way I took other people teasing me– thinking that there was something wrong with me– and it just really hurt.
Shopping With Help from Mom
The clothing styles that are in right now don’t fit my body type at all. But I try, if I really like a style, so I’ll go and try on a halter top, but it just doesn’t fit. It’s really upsetting– I hate shopping for clothes. I don’t go; my mom goes shopping for me. She’ll buy me clothes and I’ll try them on at home. I’d much rather try them on at home than be in the store fitting room, because I’ll pull on things that I know I can’t fit into, and then I’ll get myself upset about it and then I’m just no fun to shop with anymore. So I have a problem with that. So my mom goes out and buys clothes that will fit me, I try them on, and the ones I don’t like she’ll exchange for something better. That’s my way around that.
Keeping Up a Front
I try to not let [my weight] bother me, and I’ll act like it doesn’t bother me around my parents, but it bothers me so much. I try to act as though my weight doesn’t bother me around others too, but it’s hard to keep up that front.
Sneaking Food
I sneak food a lot, like if I want something that I know I shouldn’t have, because I don’t want people to yell at me and I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I try to hide things a lot, but I know that’s got to stop if I’m going to lose weight.
On special occasions, I’ll just eat what I want to that day. My mom will say, “You can eat that, but tomorrow we’re going to watch what you eat.”
Feeling Guilty
I do sneak food, because I don’t like it when people see me eat; I feel self-conscious. If it’s a meal, and everyone is sitting down to eat, then I’ll eat with people. But if it’s not a meal, I’ll hide whatever I’m eating if anyone comes into the room. I just don’t like it when people see me eat. I feel even fatter than I am, just because I’m eating, and whatever I’m eating is also probably not the healthiest thing. I don’t want people to see me eat unhealthy food, because my family wants me to lose weight, and it’s the best thing for me. If they walk downstairs and find me eating a chocolate chip cookie or a bowl of ice cream or something, it’s not working, and I just feel like I’m disappointing them. I know I’m not, but that’s the feeling I get whenever I do something like that. So that’s why I sneak food.