My father constantly mistreated my mother, and I had to protect and be there for her. Seeing how she can come back to the same guy after it’s happened multiple times affected me lot. It just got to the point that I didn’t want to be home and deal with it. I got myself involved with gangs. I had a feeling of belonging that I didn’t get at home. The gang acted like I belonged in order for me to join and feel welcome.
It wouldn’t just be you
One reason people might get involved with gangs is so they can feel safer in the streets. It’s more that if a group were to jump you, you would know that your guys would definitely be able to retaliate. It won’t be just you against five to ten guys. It’s a big reason why people would definitely join a gang.
You should join with us
Most of my friends said, “We’ve known each other for ten plus years, you should definitely join the gang with us. Nothing’s going to happen to you, and if anything does, you know we’ll do something about it.” But why was I with these people when I knew they were going to stab me in the back? There might be some friends that can pull you out of that environment, but it’s hard to find those friends. They might think that if you’re in a gang and they become friends with you, something might happen to them.
They do it just to survive
I see people join gangs, and they do it just to survive. They want to be somebody, to walk around and for people to know them and know they’re bad. They want people to be scared of them so they don’t get pushed around.
All the rage and anger built up inside and I had no way out
Every day I went to school, and because I was different, I kept on getting beat up. I didn’t know better back then. I just kept wondering “Why are they picking on me? Because I’m different?” Then I started thinking, “Maybe I am different.” All the rage and anger built up inside, and I had no way out and no one to turn to. Finally, I moved to a different school full of people like me. Everybody started hanging out in groups. I didn’t know that the groups were gangs. I just thought “It’s a group of friends.” I was naive.
I was twelve when I got into the gang. I was still really young, and that’s all that was around at the time. It was the cool thing to do. All the younger kids were doing it, so I thought why shouldn’t I do it?
I have my crew
I’m not in a big gang. I have my little crew of people that I chill with all the time. My mom, she’s very anti-gang. I grew up hearing it over and over again, so now it’s just stuck in the back of my head. It just never interested me. I have really close friends that are in gangs. They didn’t want me to do it, either. I’m not really cool with people who would try to get me in a gang.
I never got my childhood
When I was in a gang I never got my childhood. Watching cartoons, I never got to do that. Gang members were always knocking on my house and saying, “Let’s go, we got to go do something.” I do regret it in some ways.
I regretted every morning
To be in a gang I felt safe. I felt safe, but I also regretted waking up every morning. Everything I did to hurt somebody, I knew I shouldn’t have done it. I built a mechanism: If you feel your weakness, don’t worry about it. Put a stronger front on
Deciding to leave
It was hard to decide to leave the gang. But I’d been through a lot: fights, getting shot at standing on the sidewalk… horrible things. I talked to one of the older, top guys in the gang. He knew my family. He was the one who told me, “Get out of this before you get into more trouble. It’s just going to keep on and keep on and keep on. You don’t want to be like me. I’m trying to help you.”
I hear it all the time in movies: a gang asks you to join, you say no, and then you’re their automatic enemy. But when I was asked, I said no, and then we went on. We’re not enemies. It was never a problem. I gave some reason, and he just said, “Oh, ok.” And that was it.
I think it’s time for us to grow up, man
I just woke up one day and thought, “I can’t do this anymore. If I stay I’m going to die, either by my own friend, or by my rival.” Everywhere I walked, people looked at me like I was their enemy. I didn’t feel safe. That’s when I finally grew up. I told a couple of my closest friends, “Yo, I can’t take this anymore, man. All this killing, shooting, I can’t do it. Beating people… I think it’s time for us to grow up, man.” Some of them respect me. They say I was one of the wiser ones.
Talking to me every day
When I was in a gang, my parents started talking to me. They asked, “What’s the whole point of being in a gang? You want to live the rest of your life in jail?” And I told them no. Then my freshman year, I was held back, and one of the top principals at the school talked to me every single day. He just kept talking on about school. That made me switch my mind off of the gang.
I had to get beat up to get out of the gang
When I was eleven, I was involved with a gang. I have an X scar on my back that means I got out. I had to get beat up to get out of the gang. If I take my shirt off and another gang member sees, they’ll call me a two-face or something. I have a lot of friends that are still in the gang. I got a few of them out. I feel proud about them getting out. They wouldn’t be here right now if they would have just stayed in the gang. Now they’re actually doing good. They all have jobs. They’re doing their own lives.