Reactions change over time
People’s reactions can change over time. Kids can seem as though they are coping quite well and then in the next developmental stage there could be a recurrence, a regression, or a new presentation of symptoms. That doesn’t necessarily mean that that child is backsliding. They’re just at a different place in their healing from a traumatic experience. People should not become discouraged or feel that their child will never be well or never recover from things that have happened, just because with new developmental stages new challenges come. After exposure to community violence, that’s natural. That’s expected. People do heal, and they do recover.
Allison Scobie-Carroll, LICSW, MBA, Director of Social Work
It’s difficult to open up
Community violence makes teens feel that they can’t trust people, and that there’s always some type of secret agenda. They’ve been in some way betrayed so many times in their lives by people who are supposed to care about them, either family members for close friends, or even teachers. They feel as if they’ve been hurt so it’s very difficult for them to open up to someone.
Anthony Febo, Teacher and Spoken Word Artist
Panic attacks, anxiety attacks, or PTSD
A panic attack, an anxiety attack, or PTSD all happen because they are a way for the body to cope with trauma or what has happened. Even though we think those things are bad, and in a way they are not necessarily the best response, it is the body’s way to try and cope with what has happened. You don’t want to necessarily take that away from kids without giving them something else to hold onto to help them cope. It is still a way to cope.
Elizabeth Nyante , LICSW
The reactions of others
It’s less the trauma that someone experienced and more the reaction of those around them that impacts how that trauma will stay with a person, or how that person will heal from trauma. When someone finds themselves in the midst of a violent situation, how we react to them can play the biggest role in how they move through that experience.
Colby Swettberg, Ed.M, LCSW
Resources make a difference
Trauma needs to be understood in a social context. Resources make a difference in someone’s ability to manage the stress and the trauma that families experience. Experiencing a loss of resources at the same time as experiencing a trauma makes one much more vulnerable to PTSD symptoms. A lot of the families that live in some of the hardest hit neighborhoods in our community experience a loss spiral. They lose their job, then they lose their housing, then they lose financial security. Maybe they have to move away from friends and family that they were next door to before, and so they lose social networks, as well. They’re dealing with those stresses at the same time that they’re trying to manage the effects of the community violence.
Heidi Ellis, PhD
What might adults see in children after trauma?
One of the hallmarks of trauma is dysregulation of emotion. People have a flight or fight system, sort of the emergency response system, that comes on line in the face of threat. It starts coming on line in response to many types of stressors that are not necessarily threatening or reminders of the trauma. The child moves into what we call a survival state. In that survival state, their limbic system is running their response. This can look like aggression, it can look like dissociation and kind of glazing over, and it can look like really severe, very deep sadness.
I think of the effects of trauma not just as the cluster of symptoms that warrants post-traumatic stress disorder but, especially in kids, you see this whole range of emotions that overwhelm the child’s coping capacity. They’re not able to really think and make choices in that moment, and they’re kind of incapacitated by their emotions. Some of it might look like risk behavior with sexual acting out, running away, and getting in fights. Some of it might look more like internalizing behavior, cutting, sadness, and thoughts of suicide. Some of it might look like trouble sleeping or problems in feeling intimacy, joy and love. There are a lot of different ways that it can manifest. The core of it, though, is dysregulation of emotion. The emotions come on line and are so strong that they overwhelm the child’s ability to manage them and to cope.
Heidi Ellis, PhD
Sharing a life story
Some young people who have experienced violence want desperately to be loved, cared for and attached, and so they will just spill. At the first meeting, they might share their entire life story and all kinds of details about the abuse they’ve endured that’s led them to this place. They might think that adults will reject them after finding out their history, and they’d rather face that rejection sooner than later. In some cases, they might hope their history will make people feel close to them and take care of them. Other young people might be used to talking to adults who have already read their 400 page case history.
Colby Swettberg, Ed.M, LCSW
Different types of reactions
I see kids who may be hyper-vigilant, who are very clingy and always want hugs. They always want to be close to an adult in the school, and always want that reassurance. Other times I see it played out as anger, and a need to be the tough guy so they’re not the ones who are being targeted. It plays out in many different ways. Some kids are very withdrawn and you see them spacing out, and when you talk to them you realize they’re flashing back on some things.
Kamilah Drummond, Former Dean of Students, Dorchester Collegiate Academy
Everyone responds to violence or trauma completely differently
You can list off a bunch of different things you might see in someone, but everyone responds to violence or trauma completely differently. Some might act out behaviorally, and they might be disruptive in class. They might be getting involved in some violent acts themselves. But there are also the people that internalize it and aren’t speaking about it. These people might be a little more reserved, quiet, and shy. You might see them keeping to themselves, being really anxious or fearful in different situations. For younger kids you can see more separation anxiety from parents. But when they are older, it can go either way. They can get involved in violence and traumatic events, or they can also go the other way where they are afraid and don’t want to leave the house, or don’t want to go to school.
Melissa McCarter, LICSW
Crying versus acting out
Some students internalize it more and cry more, whereas other students really act out in class, start coming to school late and are absent from classes. They might excessively talk and constantly have side conversations. They might wander in the classroom. They storm out of the class. They slam the door. They make threats. They have fits of rage, and start to argue at even the littlest things. There could be this one time where you ask them to tuck in their shirt and they completely blow up.
Shelby Derissaint, LICSW
How young people see themselves
I often feel like kids are always in a continual cycle of grievance, and that plays a major role in how they see themselves. It affects their learning, definitely, and their motivation in school. There’s this attitude of, “Why achieve more? Look at how the world is. It’s unfair to me.” It makes them feel like there’s a roadblock. There’s this constant conversation of, “You’ve got to live your life. You’ve got to go after your dreams, regardless of what happens.” I tell them, “No, you can go through it. You can go through it. You just can’t let those people stop you.”
Shelby Derissaint, LICSW
Warning signs
Not every kid who experiences trauma will have PTSD. But immediately after an event occurs, even if a child doesn’t talk about symptoms, they might have difficulty focusing. Absences from school can be a huge sign that something is going on. There are kids who don’t want to leave their parents because they are afraid that something will happen while they are at school. Disrupted sleep is a traditional symptom of PTSD. There are more subtle things, like maybe kids just aren’t as trusting of adults as they should be. Sometimes hopelessness is a huge factor. If you hear a kid saying, “What’s the point in doing work? I’m not going to do much of anything,” they might be reflecting on a family member who died or was incarcerate, and assuming that that’s going to be their experience. Then there are kids that really don’t say much, and we have to really figure out what’s going on. Checking out is another thing that we pay attention to. If you know that a kid is really not engaged then that’s a huge warning sign for a lot of things.
Erin Collins, LICSW
Two responses from my students
When I was a special education teacher, I used to see two responses from my students who were victims of violence not just in the personal way, but in the institutional way. They were two faces of the same coin. One response was throwing desks and chairs and shoes. The other was pulling your hood over your head and zipping it up, turning your back to me, and facing the wall. There are both faces of helplessness, one is rage and one is depression.
Steven Brion-Meisels, Former Director of Peace First
Normal reactions
If you are with your friend, and your friend gets shot and killed, it’s normal to feel guilty because you survived and they didn’t. It’s normal to want to retaliate and think, “I can’t believe this person did this, I’m going to go get them.” It’s normal to feel anxious about going outside, and fearful. It’s normal to be in shock and not feel anything. All of those things, they are normal.
The question is how to deal with these feelings. We can’t retaliate, because then where does the violence stop? Coping doesn’t need to happen in one particular way. The most important thing is that everyone gets help, and recognizes for themselves how there are coping and dealing with these experiences.
Melissa McCarter, LICSW
A big patchwork
It’s kind of a big patchwork. There are times when you’re able to do the work, and there are times when you’re in the denial stage. And then, a week later, you’re feeling better. But then maybe a year later you’re a mess again.
Erin Collins, LICSW
There’s the pressure day-to-day…
There was a shooting outside our school. The families were so scared. There’s one mother who had the kids get into the bathtub to sleep that night, because she was thinking the bullets coming in through the window wouldn’t hit them in the bathtub. The kids would go to school exhausted and scared, because you can’t sleep well in the bathtub with two other siblings. There’s the pressure day-to-day of not wanting your kids to be outside by themselves at all, not trusting a neighbor, or not feeling like you could send your kids to school. A lot of parents won’t let their kids just walk to school or go to the park independently. It causes a lot of stress for parents.
Erin Collins, LICSW
There’s no way to prepare
There’s no way to prepare for having someone in your life be murdered. You kind of have to roll with it, with how the family is feeling. Just knowing that type of loss… it’s a loss on so many levels.
Erin Collins, LICSW
The impact of one homicide
How many people are impacted by one homicide? I’d say two, three hundred. If that child was in sports, if that child belonged to a glee club, a band, all of those people are impacted.
Clementina M. Chéry, President and CEO of the Louis D. Brown Peace Institute