I’ve been working a lot on my self-esteem since I came to the hospital. I’m trying not to worry as much about being perfect and stressing out so much. I’m also trying to be more open with my family. We’ve been working together in therapy and it’s really helped us to open up to one another.
Make them laugh
I know when I’m sad because I scream, hit things, and sometimes I feel like dying. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. When I feel like this I want to run away, but I try to talk to someone and it helps. When people are depressed, they are quiet, look at their faces, try to make them laugh, and feel better inside.
Making plans for the future
I’ve missed a year and a half of school and I’m trying to get healthier so I can graduate, go to college, and become a nurse.
Art projects
Doing a craft or art project can be helpful, too. I am certainly no artist, but I do find doing paint by number canvases helpful. And this does not have to be a silly, paint the fluffy bunny pink project. Right now I’m doing a multicolored, very detailed artist’s rendering of London in the fall. I think what’s helpful about paint by numbers is seeing and using color (in my worst depressions, all of my senses get dulled) and maybe more importantly, gives me a sense of control. Depression can make your world feel like it is spinning out of control and literally staying within the lines and creating something pleasant can feel like an accomplishment.
Coping with my Depression
Medication and therapy were both big changes in my life. My parents also made changes and are now better able to deal with my problems.
I’ve been working a lot on my self-esteem since I came to the hospital. I’m trying not to worry as much about being perfect and stressing out so much. I’m also trying to be more open with my family. We’ve been working together in therapy and it’s really helped us to open up to one another.
Being Around People Helps
Being around people helps, it takes my mind off of it, when I am with friends I forget for a second. You know I am sad if I am by myself, I have learned on Bader 5 [the inpatient unit] that being around people helps. When I am around people I forget about the problems I focus on other things. When I am pulled away from other people it hits me and it comes back.
My Future
For my future I want to finish school, be a nurse, and work with really sick patients or elderly people and be nice. I want to live down south, get married, and have two girls. I will be a nice mom, teach them to be respectful, be able to ask for help.
Strength
I always thought an important value I could behold as a person would be; to be a strong person. Somehow I find it seemingly possible to question myself as being this strong each and every day of my life, especially at times like these, where I find myself struggling. I always figured someone who was strong was healthy and without a doubt perfect in every possible way. I have to come to a conclusion that nobody is perfect that I should learn to respect myself for who I am, what may be, and the struggles and issues I deal with each and every day of my life, like everyone else. Sometimes I find myself thinking, …”Look at where you are, what you’ve become, you must be weak, you’re not as strong as I thought you were.” But, the most important thought to remember is that we all have our own problems and if I were to sit and criticize and characterize myself as helpless and weak, then I would be weak, I would be the weakest person alive!
See … the most important concept to remember is you are what you think you are, what you believe you are, it’s as easy as that! Deep inside my heart, I know I am a strong person, because I’m still alive after all the hardships I dealt with. I personally believe strong should not even be a word nor should it have a definite definition. More or less, I believe strength has its own meaning to each and every person. Struggles are only a test, surviving a struggle is a strength all its own. I find it important to respect yourself for who you are and how you’ve grown from everything these days we live in world of controversial issues, things can be tough for all of us, finding a way to survive and be yourself is a task all its own.
Weakness can become of you, only if you want it to become of you. Always remember you are what you are, you control your own destiny, no one else. You’re strong because you’re living, no matter what happened along the way, or what story your life may tell, battling life, living life itself, sacrificing, loving … hating; it’s strength all its own. As long as you wake up each day, you’ve proclaimed inner strength. Already you’ve come to where you are, and you’re alive. As long as destiny is your decision, weakness will never belong to you; only if you choose for it to.
My eating disorder is an addiction, a habit, making it difficult to overcome. After dealing with my disorder for so long I became depressed. Not eating, exercising, and purging became a way to hurt myself. Many days I wished that I would just die. I’ve missed a year and a half of school and I’m trying to get healthier so I can graduate, go to college, and become a nurse.
Taking Care of Myself
Two years ago I didn’t want to do the things that I enjoyed doing and I started hating my body. I was withdrawing myself and I was normally an outgoing person. I was acting like I was in a totally different world because I had so much on my mind. My dad would say, “You seem like you’re in a different world.” My teachers said, “It seems like you’re not paying attention and that’s not like you.”
I was weird. I was always used to solving things on my own but, having someone else helping me was different. It made me feel better. I had always held stuff in so when I could vent and have someone listen I felt better. Working with my therapist to understand what triggered my illness was the first step to getting better. I want people to know that they will feel 100% better if they get their feelings out. I want them to know that it is ok to talk to other people.
I never talked to other people before but I have found that it is ok. I am learning to accept things more and not let everything bother me. I used to spend time worrying and taking care of other people and I’ve learned that it is important to take care of myself.