I want to make decisions about what helps me. Sometimes I feel like only I can help myself. You should not expect that the therapist can fix everything. You can’t fix everything by yourself either. You have to work together with your therapist to make things better.
Used to solving things on my own
I was always used to solving things on my own but, having someone else helping me was different. It made me feel better. I had always held stuff in so when I could vent and have someone listen I felt better. Working with my therapist to understand what triggered my illness was the first step to getting better. I want people to know that they will feel 100% better if they get their feelings out. I want them to know that it is ok to talk to other people.
I never talked to other people before but I have found that it is ok. I am learning to accept things more and not let everything bother me. I used to spend time worrying and taking care of other people and I’ve learned that it is important to take care of myself.
I didn’t have to feel guilty
I was scared of working with therapists at first because the thought of going to a therapist makes you sound like you’re a psycho or crazy and this was a hard thing to adjust to. When I first met my therapist she was so sweet. After a while I enjoyed going to therapy because it was a free place where I could talk about anything. I didn’t have to feel guilty about my feelings while I was in therapy. I struggled for a long time with not admitting I had an eating disorder and depression. The most important thing is to be as honest as you can with your therapist.
Trust your instincts
Remember that you know yourself better than anyone. That doesn’t mean don’t be open minded to different ways a therapist may suggest for viewing yourself, but if he or she says something you know to be way off track, tell the therapist. If the therapist fails to consider your point of view, again, go find yourself another doctor. Trust your instincts. You may be depressed, but you still have your intelligence and that must be respected.
I think I could have been more open with my therapist in the beginning. I would tell other kids to be more open with what they have to say. Your therapist is there to help you and if you hold something back you’re only hurting yourself.
Everyone needs someone to talk to
At first I was mad when I found out I had to go see a therapist. I wasn’t crazy and I didn’t think I needed to talk to anyone. At the beginning I didn’t want to be open with my therapist. I was mad I had to be there and I didn’t want to share any of my feelings with her. There were a few times when I wanted to stop therapy because I had to go so much but I would remember how I felt afterwards and that always made me want to go back. As time passed I began opening up and told my therapist more and more about my eating difficulties and sadness. I would tell other kids to be open with their therapists from the very beginning. It will only help them out in the end. Also, therapy is not just for crazy people. Everyone needs someone to talk to and you should be willing to at least meet with a therapist.
Working with Therapists
I was scared of working with therapists at first because the thought of going to a therapist makes you sound like you’re a psycho or crazy and this was a hard thing to adjust to. When I first met my therapist she was so sweet. After a while I enjoyed going to therapy because it was a free place where I could talk about anything. I didn’t have to feel guilty about my feelings while I was in therapy. I struggled for a long time with not admitting I had an eating disorder and depression. The most important thing is to be as honest as you can with your therapist.
Therapy as a Punishment
Although there was no specific date when I “became depressed”, I do clearly remember the August day when I was eleven years old and for the first time said aloud, “I want to die!” and mean it. And then came what I interpreted as a punishment for saying I wanted to die. My father announced, “That’s it! No normal eleven year old talks about wanting to die. You are going to start seeing a psychiatrist!” And a week later, I did.
For me, the therapy I received at that time was short lived and not effective, because I saw “seeing a psychiatrist” as punishment for being a rude and abnormal kid who wanted to die. I refused to open up to the doctor until finally one day I did, and was so embarrassed and ashamed of what I had revealed that I refused to go back. If you are a parent reading this, please be careful to never present your child’s consultation or treatment with a therapist as punishment. It is difficult and embarrassing enough for a kid to meet with an unknown adult and to start to confide personal things. There is no room to add feelings of punishment and guilt into the mix.
Another note of caution to parents trying to help a depressed child: Never tell him or her to stop wasting their young lives with their depression. I heard that countless times from my parents, who I know were trying to be helpful, but actually only compounded the guilt I was already experiencing from my depression with guilt for not being more involved and productive in my teen years.
My therapist is a good listener and talker. She helps me when I am having a hard time with my feelings.
It’s a Medical Problem
When I started seeing a therapist I was depressed. I didn’t think it would happen, you know it’s a medical problem when you have to see a therapist, I didn’t think the depression was that serious.
My First Few Visits with a Therapist
At first I was mad when I found out I had to go see a therapist. I wasn’t crazy and I didn’t think I needed to talk to anyone. At the beginning I didn’t want to be open with my therapist. I was mad I had to be there and I didn’t want to share any of my feelings with her. There were a few times when I wanted to stop therapy because I had to go so much but I would remember how I felt afterwards and that always made me want to go back. As time passed I began opening up and told my therapist more and more about my eating difficulties and sadness. I would tell other kids to be open with their therapists from the very beginning. It will only help them out in the end. Also, therapy is not just for crazy people. Everyone needs someone to talk to and you should be willing to at least meet with a therapist.
Being Adopted
It is hard to be adopted because I miss my birth mom. When I was taken away from her it made me sad and angry. It was hard because I was older when I was adopted unlike my brother. My therapist helps me to talk about this stuff.