To remember Derek, I just look at my photo book about Derek and that makes me calm down a little bit when I am sorta sad. So like, it makes me calm down. So, sometimes I lay on my bed alone, in my bedroom, looking at the memory book and sometimes my mom is wondering where I am so I come down and tell her. I really like how I remember how Derek was in the hospital and I like every single room he was in. And his next door neighbor in one of the rooms was a boy named Nathan. He was Derek’s friend. It is really fun to know Nathan because he was Derek’s next door neighbor in one of the rooms.
We fight for what we want
She made us stronger so we fight for what we want. We show her that we care about her and we’re here for her even though she passed away.
I write, keep journal entries, and write about my sister and how great she was. I just talk and believe in her a lot and keep writing and thinking about what’s happened in my life and how it’s changed me.
I write about all my feelings and I look at pictures to think of all the memories I’ve had with my family. I would watch some TV or something but normally I write a lot about who my sister was and how she was and what a strong person she’ll be and what a hero she is to me.
Every time you do something it crosses your mind and you think to do it for her or because of her just because she made such a big difference.
When you lose someone you go through both good and bad changes. Bad ones that you don’t want to go through. Your attitude changes and your whole viewpoint changes for a while but at the time you just stop and think and it’s still upsetting and it hurts but you try to change for the better. Everything you do, you make it count and think about the person. Everything I do I think about my sister and how she would have handled it or what she would have said. I don’t have her to go to anymore.
Sometimes just sitting down listening to music or reading, even looking at painting, is relaxing. It helps soothe you.
My Life Is Forever Changed
I feel torn as to whether to classify Zach’s last days as the worst in my life. I suppose they were the most difficult, yet as hard as they were, they were spent with my younger brother. A precious distinction.
Even the first few days after his death were, on some level, a peaceful release. An outpouring of support from family, friends and acquaintances reminded me of some of the beauty in life and the goodness of others. This insurmountable loss was softened, however slightly, by this encouraging testimony to the state of the human condition.
Even the best moments of my life will forever be bittersweet, now that I no longer have Zach to share them with, but the worst moments will always be marked by a wisdom that I must grudgingly accept as a consolation prize for this irreparable void in my heart.