Ways children grieve
When looking for signs of grief in siblings of a child who has passed away, we remind parents that they know their kids the best. They perhaps might notice some changes in their behavior. There could be changes in sleep, appetite, activity level, and concentration. There could be changes in terms of separation, their willingness to be alone or to be with other caregivers. Sometimes they need reassurance. They need that sense of security. Children find comfort in their routines, particularly young children. So, to the extent that we can preserve some of those routines for young children such as what they eat, where they sleep, and seeing their friends, can sometimes help. Sometimes continuing to go to school, for instance, can be helpful. We might think that might be too much for them, but for some children this can be really a lifesaver.
Grief is hard work for both adults and children. We try to create the sense that “We are in this together and that this is sad. It’s okay for us to express our feelings. We can get help if we need it.”
Elaine Meyer, PhD RN, Clinical Psychologist
Include teachers and other adults
I encourage parents to let teachers and other adults in their lives know what is happening at home so in a sense the parent can have a bit of an extender when he or she is not there, so the child has a safe person who they feel comfortable speaking with. It could be a neighbor. It could be somebody in their faith community. Most often, though, kids will go to their parents. If their child is in school, parents do need to know if their child is having a rough day. When they go to school other kids will ask, “What happened?” That can be quite burdensome to a young child. They need to know how to answer those kinds of questions. Sometimes we practice with them. Some kids even have a little script that they recite. For closer friends they could say more or tell them more. How do you respond to other people who say, “I am sorry or I am thinking about you?” Obviously a young kid’s response is going to be very different from that of a teenager.
Elaine Meyer, PhD RN, Clinical Psychologist