Watchful waiting

Allen: Waiting was excruciating. We basically had one follow up appointment with our pediatrician to get another measurement and weigh in, and then if that was telling us anything one way or the other, we were going to make a decision. When that appointment came and we made the decision to schedule the surgery, there was a very large mixed bag of feelings there. There was a huge amount of anxiety because “Okay this is going to happen and we’ve now made sure that this surgery is going to happen.” Even though we knew it was going to happen, scheduling it is a different animal.

But there was also some small bit of relief that “Okay, the waiting is over. This is going to happen now.” After that, it gave us something to focus on as opposed to something that’s a little bit ill-defined. It’s like “Okay, there’s this surgery somewhere in the future” so we’re kind of walking on eggshells, whereas we were walking on eggshells for a different reason afterwards. It was “Okay, this surgery is happening, let’s focus our efforts on getting ready for that, both logistically and emotionally.”

Miranda: And I think one of the weirdest things about that waiting time was, as parents, we knew what was going to happen to our kid, but our kid didn’t know. And the two of us trying to set the tone in the house like nothing is different, everything’s cool, just another fun day at home or school or wherever, and really trying to keep the tone in our household relaxed and positive and not let that bleed into our kids’—obviously it’s going to at some point—but not let it do it before it has to. The combination of knowing what’s going on, you can’t see, and yet balancing that with the fact that we have a hilarious, cute, funny, appearingly healthy kid running around playing tag with us with a tiara on her head and no clothes on—it’s this really strange dichotomy of this huge thing is happening to us and our family, and yet life is so real in this very moment, and we can’t see it right now.

So in terms of how did we cope with it, I think before that date was set, it was really hard to cope with it. I did spend a lot of time on the internet just trying to learn more, like, what is surgery like? What kind of things should we generally be thinking about in terms of planning logistics? How long does surgery generally take? How long will we be in Boston? What should we think about for hotels? Just trying to get my arms wrapped around that, because it was helpful for me—I’m a planner, so it’s helpful for me to think about that.

And then I think we really tried to line up times for us to completely check out and just let us not think. I mean, I think we watched more TV that week and that month than we’ve ever watched in our lives. Just chances to completely check out and say, “What’s going to happen is going to happen and it probably doesn’t help us a lot to worry obsessively about it at this exact moment.”

Allen: Yeah, the advice to people is to really find an outlet, whatever outlet that is that can help you deal with that anxiety. I’m positive we didn’t do it as best we could, but nobody ever does when you’re in a position of stress. I’m sure things that we could go backwards and look and say “Oh, during that anxious waiting period here’s what we should have done instead,” but I think the reality is people need to really focus on keeping themselves mentally healthy so you can be as stable as you can during the day for your kids.

Miranda: And the last thing I would add would be distraction. We made a point to go apple picking and do activities that would be distracting for all of us, because to try and maintain that sense of normalcy, even we needed a distraction during the day. It was certainly great for the kids to have something to do, so just trying to plan some super fun activities or sometime hanging out with other families where there’s enough going on that you really can’t focus on what’s happening right now.

 – Miranda and Allen, parents of Serena, age 2, ASD

 

At the one year mark she was growing, so it was like, “Okay, she’s growing and she’s not in heart failure. So let’s just let it ride and keep going.” And then we rented a hospital scale and we would weigh her every other day and send the weights to Dr. Breitbart and our family pediatrician, they were plotting her growth. As long as she was gaining half an ounce a day, we held off surgery. Then she was about to turn two and she had just had an echo and Dr. Breitbart said something about the echo bothered him. I sent Dr. Breitbart an email and I said “If this was in an ideal world, like if there wasn’t cost and travel and all that with no issue, would you like to see Elizabeth?” And he said “Yes.”

And I kind of figured, I’m an attorney, and it would be like me signing off on a case and never taking a deposition, or never actually meeting the client and doing an interview, or not having any testimony, just having documents in front of me. It’s really hard to make an assessment, and I’m not a doctor. We came up there and did a round of tests, and he took that test from when he saw her in person, and compared it with every single echo that Elizabeth had ever had to see if there was any change in the hole. Based on that determination, he could see that the hole wasn’t shrinking at all so he said “We need to just go ahead and do this.” So that’s when we made the appointment.

 – Anna, mother of Elizabeth, age 2, VSD

 

It was scary. They assured us that he was okay for the time being but he absolutely needed surgery. It was scary because we knew how serious it was, and we knew that our tiny little baby was preparing to go in for open heart surgery. He still wasn’t feeding well, I was trying to nurse and that wasn’t going very well. I was starting to pump, but I was so stressed that that was a struggle. It was a tough time.

During that two months before we went in, I remember we went to New Hampshire for a few days and just tried to have some family time. We have a family friend who’s a Catholic priest and we had him baptized prior to the surgery. We arranged with a photographer, we went into the studio and did some family pictures, the four of us. It was a scary time. Looking back now, as much as we didn’t want to think about it, we were preparing that, “Okay, I want him baptized in case he doesn’t make it. I want family pictures in case he doesn’t make it.” It was tough. It was scary. It wasn’t at all what we thought our first couple of months with a newborn baby was going to be.

 – Grace, mother of Austin, age 10, TOF

Preparing for surgery as a parent

As we got closer to the surgery the Child Life Specialist was incredibly important. Within a month or two of the surgery, I was really able to ask the questions that you don’t ask a surgeon, but you could ask a staff person. Like, “Can I sleep there? Can we both sleep there? What does the bed look like? Is it a crib? Should we bring in this?” It makes you feel like you’re in a little bit of control, so you can pack accordingly, you can feel prepared. As a parent, if you have that little peace of mind it helps. So the Child Life Specialist was incredibly, incredibly helpful to me and my husband in that way.

We also went for a tour of the ICU, I wasn’t sure if I was going—if that would help me or not, but the doctors suggested it. I was thinking “Oh no, what if it makes it worse?” It was hard, it was an incredibly emotional day, but I’m so glad I did it. Strangely, one of the nurses I saw and talked to that day on the tour, I saw the morning when I was bringing in Avery for her surgery. And she said, “Is today the day?” She remembered our faces. And I said “Yup,” and started to tear up and she said, “She’ll do great, we’ll see you upstairs.” Just saying that makes me cry now. That friendly face, that feeling like it wasn’t a brand new space helped. And for the first time you see a kid hooked up to tubes and wires to be your own kid, that’s really hard. To see your child that way is hard enough, but to see it for the first time with it your own child, that’s asking more of yourself than you need to.

 – Jessica, mother of Avery, age 2, ASD

 

Allen: I would say the hardest part for Serena was just the restriction of tests like, “Sit in this chair for half an hour or try and sit in Mom or Dad’s lap.” From an emotional standpoint, I think she was just mad that she couldn’t be playing.

Miranda: Yeah. I felt like the pre-op day was really hard.

Allen: Yes, it was a long day for her, and it didn’t work well with naps.

Miranda: That’s where, emotionally, it got a little charged for all of us, because we’ve come up to Boston, this whole thing is happening now, and  it’s becoming very real. She was interested for a while, when she was just watching TV and waiting for it to be her turn, fine, they do the height-weight, cool, we’re good. Then you keep going back to the same room and they take you somewhere else and some test happens and it hurts, and you go back to this room and they take you somewhere else and another test happens and it hurts, and then you go back to this room. And they pick up on that pattern. And the more upset she gets with these different tests that are happening, the more the anxiety builds for the two of us. We’re watching her have to go through this—and it’s fine, she’s getting her blood drawn, it’s not like she’s hurt, but you’re watching your kid in distress, and you’re also like, “Yeah, but this is just minor stuff. What’s it going to be like tomorrow?”

So my anxiety grew that day as it was becoming more and more imminent, and she was becoming aware of this pattern. That was really hard for me—just trying to figure out how to be strong for her and not let her see my anxiety, and how to try to break the cycle a little bit. One thing that they had offered us to do and we did not take them up on it because we just wanted to get out of there fast so that she could take a nap—was they did say that you could take a break during that day and just go outside or go to a completely different place. I think had we not been really focused on that nap, that would have been a good thing to do. With older kids or something like that, just saying “I need a break for an hour. Our family just needs to re-set,” so that you can break that cycle of anxiety.

Allen: It was a long day, it was hard for all of us. I’m not sure there’s much you can do about that. For a 22 month old, we came with our bag of tricks, but that’s good for a couple hours, we’re talking like eight—it was like eight to one. That’s just a really hard day.

 – Miranda and Allen, parents of Serena, age 2, ASD

 

The challenge with Carson is because of the heterotaxy diagnosis and his rare diagnosis, there’s no protocols to it. There’s a lot of research that has to be done, and Boston has grown so much with children with heterotaxy, just since we’ve been there for the last almost five years. Even when we were there five years ago, when I was pregnant with him, there was still little known about how the syndrome affects your entire organ system, and the statistics of kids with it are awful, and so I spent a lot of time researching and trying to educate myself as much as I could about kind of what to expect and making sure that I was a good advocate for him, and that I was aware and kind of prepared for what may happen. Like, what would he look like when he came out of surgery? I would look at photographs online of other children. And what are the terms? So that I could understand what the doctors were talking about when they said what his pressures were. Things like that. I wanted to educate myself as much as possible, it’s definitely a hard balance.

To be honest, everybody deals with things differently, my husband’s way of dealing with it was to know what he absolutely had to know and that was about it. He was our positive power in the house, he was optimistic, he was “Let’s not over read or over research, we’re just going to get ourselves worked up, we have no control, let’s just focus on all of the happy things and enjoy the moment and don’t get upset about all the other things that you don’t know about.” Where I was almost the opposite, like “I want to be prepared, I want to know everything so that I can make sure that we’re advocating and we’re doing and understanding all of it.” Honestly, I think it was a great balance, I think we both kind of took the other role and supported each other and it worked out really well.

But when we had gone for our tour of the ICU, I had seen children that had come out of surgery online, and I had had that breakdown moment in my own private time, because you can’t imagine what that looks like until you actually see it. It’s very upsetting to see a baby hooked up to the monitors and tubes and blood and tape. So, I had seen that in my own home, by myself, and was able to cry and have that “Oh my God” moment alone. But when we had gone for the tour, my husband didn’t want to see any of that stuff online. So he experienced that for the first time in front of a group of people. In front of the parents of this poor baby who we were looking in on, and the social worker that was walking in with us. It was very overwhelming for him. He was blind-sided and got so very anxious about it and had to leave. In that situation, I felt glad that I had had that moment on my own time—I knew what to expect already.

 – Amanda, Mother of Carson, age 5, Heterotaxy

 

When I was pregnant with twins and going through the Lamaze classes at Brigham and Women’s, they used to say to us, “Go to the nurseries and look for the tiniest babies you can, because you’re liable to have two very small babies because there’s two of them, and that’s something you should get used to seeing.” Of course ours were 6-12 and 7-2, and you know completely gigantic boys, but we used to go looking for these little tiny babies, two pounds, three pounds, they’d show them to us. And I’m wondering if maybe when I was already in the hospital waiting for David to be born if I had been allowed to see some of the babies who had had a surgery and were doing well, that might have helped me. But I don’t know if they would have let me do that. Plus you never really know what you’re going to see when you walk into one of those wards, you just don’t know what you’re dealing with.

 – Courtney, mother of David, age 23, TOF

Preparing my child for surgery

We talked to the psychologist about is how do we prepare her. And she said “You really can’t. You can get her a doctor’s kit” which we did, so you know, she saw stethoscopes and she saw this that and the other, “you know, let her play with those things.” But she had said “The majority of the processing she’s going to do is going to be after the procedure. And so that’s great to have doctor’s kits around, but she’s going to work through it in her own way. You can’t really shape that for her. And what might stand out in your mind may not even resonate with her. For a two year old, the most horrible and frustrating thing could be that sticky tape on her skin. It might not be the open heart surgery. It could be (and it was) that board they have on her elbow for the IV.” It drove her up the wall, but lying in a hospital bed with all the tubes and wires, that wasn’t a big deal.

Talking to that psychologist was really important for me because as her mom, it was hard for me to separate what I was feeling versus what she was feeling. And that psychologist reminded me of a lot of important things. She said, “This experience is a lot different for her than it is for you. You have the ability to control it in the sense that-you know, she’s going to get from it mostly what you give her. So if you’re crying and hysterical and panicked, she’s going to get that and she’s going to feel the same. Like when a kid falls on the ground, your reaction cues them what to do a lot of the time. But this has such a deep emotional meaning for you because your brain can function that way. You can think of terrible things and her brain doesn’t work that way. For her, it’s going to be-if you’re with her, by her bedside, that’s good. Home is where mom and dad are. Home is where you bring her blankets, you bring some comforts of home, you create that space. For a two year old, it’s very different than it is for a three year old, a four year old, a five year old.”

She helped us understand that, sure, it would be an unpleasant four or five days, but for her that’s it. We couldn’t really prepare her for it and say, “This is what’s going to happen” because her brain couldn’t really understand all of that. Our dog happened to have surgery around her diagnosis, so she was very aware of “boos”, and so we took that as an example of saying, “she went to the doctor and now her ‘boo’ is all better!” We have three dogs and we used those as teaching examples and to try to not make doctors scary. But it was going to be an unpleasant experience. It was going to be scary at times. The best we could do for her was to be strong. For me, the months leading up to it I took to get myself as strong as I possibly could by all means necessary so I could be that strength for her. So that when they’re putting in a new IV line and she’s crying and wants out, that I’m that smiling comforting face at the edge of her bed, not wincing and sad, that I’m there for her knowing that it’s okay.

 – Jessica, mother of Avery, age 2, ASD

 

For Serena we didn’t really talk to her that much. I mean, both of us really believe in telling our kids what’s happening, whether they can understand us or not, and so we did tell Serena two days before or something like that, like “You have a hole in your heart, we’re going up to Boston, the doctors are going to help you fix it.” That night we said, “Tomorrow you’re getting your hole fixed,” and then when she woke up from surgery and you know, one of the first things I said to her when she and I had time alone, I was like “Serena, you did a great job, you went through surgery, and your hole is fixed!” And you know, she was 22 months when that happened, I have no idea if she understood or not, but I just like to think that somewhere it’s registering.

 – Miranda, mother of Serena, age 2, ASD

 

I know you can have a child life specialist person come and meet with your other kids. One of our friends was a child life specialist, and she actually would come and visit. She could tell Alexandra was a little anxious in the hospital, so she goes, “Oh look, have you ever seen the playground?” So she took her and she got to see the playground. So there’s these other services that you may not think—like the first thought is, “Do I have a good doctor?” But at some point there’s also these other great things that are going on—don’t hesitate to avail yourself to.

 – Kate, mother of Alexandra, age 8, Heart Block & Pacemaker

 

My son had already had a minor surgery on a lymph node on his neck a couple years before so we honestly had him help her to understand it. When we told her she was going to need the surgery, he was with us and we told him his job was to explain what it was like when you’re coming out of anesthesia and kind of what the next 24 hours might be like. Of course what he had was completely different from what she was going to have, but even the falling asleep part you know when they give you the IV, because he had just done great with his surgery and wasn’t afraid and we knew that if she heard it from her older brother that would help her to understand.

When she went into the hospital I’m sure she was anxious, I know she was, but she didn’t really express a fear or anything else. A couple of days before that we had gone in for all her checks and she was in great spirits. But the day of, when they started giving her the IV to help make her sleepy, it didn’t take and I think at that point she was wound up enough—now she’s laying in the bed, she has the needle in her arm, she has all these people looking at her and coming in and out and beeping machines and all that. So they increased her dose of whatever it is that they give you three times until they came in and said “For her size and weight, we can’t give her any more, it’s not going to be safe at this point.” And she was still talking.

So that was hard because they had to wheel her away from us still awake. We really wanted her to be with us when she fell asleep, so we kept trying to put on nice music, tell her stories, I was singing to her, trying to get her to calm down and fall asleep but she wasn’t having any of it, so they did have to wheel her into the OR wide awake. That’s the part that bothers me more than anything else because I know once she got into the OR it was probably quite frightening. But generally you don’t remember that once you wake up. I’ve been in that situation before and they put you to sleep so quickly and they give you whatever that is, it almost causes amnesia.

 – Dana, mother of Raegan, age 11, Cardiomyopathy with a Pacemaker

Preparing other children for a sibling’s surgery

Allen: The book we made about Serena’s surgery was really was our primary vehicle for communicating with Mallory, our older daughter. She loves books, they’re a very useful vehicle to explain information to her, and seeing that the book was about her really piqued her interest. It gave us a chance to focus on telling the story in a way that was palatable to a four year old, and a way that was very focused on her as opposed to Serena, our younger daughter. If the book was “Serena this” and “Serena that,” it probably would have been okay, but putting it from the perspective of Mallory I think helped her think about how this is going to affect her and her life.

We made a point to make it not scary, and focus on the positive things, “Oh, you get to spend this time with Grammy and Grampy, then you’ll get to come up to Boston and stay in a hotel for a night.” We crafted it around how can we put this in the most positive light that we can? We told her about “an operation coming-” using “operation” instead of “surgery,” operation is a less scary word, and we made the book so she could color it.

We shared the book with all the adults in her life, so at her preschool all of the teachers got to read the book, so they knew how we were communicating with Mallory, so that it would be consistent. I think doing all of those things really helped prepare Mallory in a way that was just crafted very carefully so that she wasn’t going to be over anxious about it. She’s already going to be anxious enough with us leaving the house, so we really wanted to mellow it out.

Miranda: The other thing that worked really well is that it gave us time to think about how we wanted to talk about it with her, and it helped us figure out things like, what words do we want to use? What do we want to emphasize? The adults we gave it to said, “Thank you, because we want to talk about it like you’re talking about it. This gives us all exactly the same language.” And we said, “Could you please follow this script? Please don’t deviate from this script.” And they all appreciated that, because at the end of the day, they want to help, and they want to do everything that’s going to help, and what’s going to give a four year old the greatest comfort is if everyone’s saying the same thing.

And the other thing was that she could follow along in the book like when she got to Boston, she knew “That’s where we are in the book!” And when we got home from Boston, she was like “Okay, can we have our ice cream sundaes now?” Because we promised her we would get a big family ice cream sundae when we got home and everyone was happy and healthy. And then at the very end of the book, I said “Okay Mallory, the book is finished” and I think that was good closure for her. That she doesn’t have to think about that book happening anymore, that the book is done, it’s closed. So that was pretty much the only way we talked to her about it. She had lots of questions and we answered those questions, but that was really our primary vehicle.

Allen: The book was helpful for us too.

Miranda: And even the nursery school teachers said “I feel better having read this book!”

 – Miranda and Allen, parents of Serena, age 2, ASD

Finding out at the ultrasound

She was diagnosed prenatally at my 18 week ultrasound. At that time she was diagnosed with a small aortic root and VSDs and she was also diagnosed at the same time with a brain defect which never panned out, but was reported at that time. After we received the diagnosis I had to have level two ultrasounds, and fetal MRIs, echoes, and a lot of testing. Things change day to day, and they encouraged us to wait to see if they were seeing the same things because ultrasounds are a wonderful tool, but it’s really hard to see stuff, and it’s not uncommon for a baby to be diagnosed with heart defects, and then come out with something completely different. We were encouraged to wait two weeks and have all the scanning done again, which we did, and things actually were different in two weeks. The neurological problem was gone in two weeks and it’s never appeared again. Who knows, maybe it was just a weird measurement, or she was lying a funny way. By the time I had her, I probably had 14 ultrasounds, multiple fetal echoes, and multiple MRIs.

 – Leslie, mother of Margaret, age 2, VSD

 

I was having twins. So, fortunately, my OB/GYN sends you to a high risk provider. I was on my first visit to the high risk department, so I was 16 weeks gestation but not even showing. The initial doctor that we had was a little blunt about it. I’m laying on the table and he said something about, “Oh my God, I’m sorry” or “I’m seeing something wrong with the heart,” I forget the exact words. And I said, “What does that mean, what are you talking about, what’s going on?” and he said “Just give me a minute, I’ll explain everything.” I was just shaking immediately. He brought me and my husband inside a room and drew an image of what he was trying to explain to us. To be honest with you, I could barely even think or listen to what he was saying. We were referred to the pediatric cardiology group. Fortunately there was a resource right there that we could see the next day. I don’t think we slept or stopped shaking or praying until the appointment.

 – Lindsay, mother of Brian, age 2, Heterotaxy

 

We first learned that Carson had a heart abnormality when I was 20 weeks pregnant during a routine ultrasound, although the initial diagnosis and what his end diagnosis was definitely not the same. Our initial experience was at our local hospital, and was pretty traumatic. They said it was the worst heart defect they had ever seen, and that he had no chance of survival. Our best case scenario would be that he would be born with severe mental and physical disabilities, and that it was basically inhumane to continue with the pregnancy. We were advised to “go home and grieve,” and that is a quote from them. We were told to come back later and have the pregnancy taken care of, which obviously was not something that we wanted to do. Unfortunately, even when I called to make a follow-up prenatal appointment, the secretary questioned me on why I was making a follow-up appointment. I obviously got another opinion.

Later that week we met with a local pediatric cardiologist, and she advised us to go to Boston. I think it was like 26—27 weeks pregnant. We met with his doctors and they revised Carson’s diagnosis to a double outlet right ventricle, so he is a single ventricle, he has one atrium, and heterotaxy syndrome, which is basically when your internal organs are misplaced. So not all of his organs are affected, but his liver and his spleen are inverted. So his liver and spleen are on the wrong side of his body which—most children with Heterotaxy Syndrome also have heart abnormalities. We were blind-sided with all sorts of craziness.

 – Amanda, mother of Carson, age 5, Heterotaxy

 

While I was pregnant, I had the normal prenatal testing done. Around 20 weeks they found that her heart rate was low and variable. I was monitored for a while on a daily basis and then a weekly basis and the doctors at the time decided that whatever it was, it was stable and they would have to figure out what was going on after she was born. She was born and they did an EKG and told us that it was normal and there was nothing wrong, they didn’t know why she had bradycardia in utero. We had been home for a couple of hours and I got a phone call from a Cardiology Electrophysiology fellow saying, “Your baby was supposed to come here.” Apparently her EKG was actually quite abnormal. Somehow the message had gotten mixed up. We went to Children’s and spent a few days in the hospital there, and at that point we learned that she had long QT.

 – Catharine, mother of Willow, age 8, Long QT Syndrome

 

I was pregnant with twins and we went in for an ultrasound, around 18, 19 weeks, and they had a hard time, especially with twins, finding Alexandra’s heartbeat, because her twin’s was really strong. We ended up having to spend a night in the ER while they were trying to figure it out. That’s when I remember I have the lupus antibody. We were able to find out that Alexandra had what’s called complete heart block, and that’s from people who have the Lupus antibody, there’s a percentage—and it goes up with each pregnancy—that a child can have complete heart block.

 – Kate, mother of Alexandra, age 8, Heart Block & Pacemaker

 

We learned at about 23 weeks. We had gone for our ultrasound and the maternal-fetal doctor couldn’t see all parts of her heart. Because I have a congenital heart defect, they suggested we come back in a few weeks and do the ultrasound with a pediatric cardiologist. Leah was our first born, so it was just my husband and I, and we knew it wasn’t good whenever the doctor left the room and nobody wanted to say anything during the ultrasound. The prognosis we were given was only a 50% chance of survival—we were distraught. We had a hard time getting pregnant for her, and then to finally get pregnant and halfway through that pregnancy be given such a grim prognosis, it was devastating.

 – Donna, mother to Leah, age 10, HLHS

 

I was about four and a half to five months pregnant. It was a routine ultrasound, they couldn’t see all four chambers of the heart. They didn’t think there was any concern, they said, “We’ll do a follow-up ultrasound in about a week.” At that ultrasound a week later, I’m certain they knew right away because I remember hearing the word “hypoplastic” but they didn’t tell us anything. I finally stopped them and said “You need to tell us” and they said, “Your baby definitely has a problem with his heart, try not to worry, some of these problems are easily fixed nowadays.” They said, “You’ll need to go to Boston” and I said “When?” and they said “Right now.” We went to a high-risk doctor and she knew right away what she was looking at. She called a cardiologist from Children’s and that was honestly the only kind and good thing she did for us. She was really abrupt—she didn’t even sit me up on the table before she gave the diagnosis, and I was still laying there with my belly hanging out and goop all over it. She said “Here’s what he has and it will financially devastate you, and be completely devastating to your other child, and you have one week left to terminate.” She said, “Do you have any questions?” I said “Is it a boy or a girl?” and she said, “It’s a boy.”  It wasn’t the best day.

 – Diane, mother of Jake, age 21, HLHS

 

 

Courtney: We went for an ultrasound, I was just spotting a little bit. I had placenta previa, and she said, “Okay, I can see why there was a little bit of spotting, this is a pretty serious condition, but wait, your son has Tetralogy of Fallot.” Boom, just like that. Richard—did you faint during that one?

Richard: I didn’t take it well.

Courtney: We were just like, “What?!” and she said, “Well, this is treatable and now we’ve seen it in utero, so don’t worry about that right now.” I had to go into the hospital immediately even though I had seven year old twins at home. He was born a month after I went in. They were checking his lung capacity—I was having amnio every other day, so that they could pull the fluid and check to see if the lungs had matured yet. They thought I could hemorrhage, but we needed him to be as mature as possible, so it was walking a very fine line- the moment his lungs matured, they delivered in C-section. He weighed close to seven pounds, and he was in perfect condition, didn’t look blue, and they rushed him to Children’s with Richard behind him, and they checked him upside-down, inside-out, said “He’s good to go” brought him back to me. I went home four days later. He had his surgery six months after that.

 – Courtney and Richard, parents of David, age 23, TOF

Finding out at birth and later in life

She was diagnosed at birth. When she was a day old they heard a murmur and they brought her up to the NICU and then they just kept her up there. So when she didn’t come back to me for a while, I knew that something was not right because my other children—I have two other children and they both had murmurs when they were born and they came right back. So they kept her there all day, and then I didn’t find out until many hours later after the doctors from Children’s came over to evaluate her and tell me they were transferring her to Children’s.

 – Erica, mother of Isabelle, age 5, Anomalous Aortic Valve

 

We actually found out about 12 hours after he was born, we kind of noticed that something was wrong. His hands were very dusky and we were being told that it was pretty typical after birth, but it never went away—we were reassured that it was normal. Then about 12 hours after he was born, he went into respiratory distress while feeding, and he was transferred to a larger hospital where he was diagnosed. We were there for about a day, and we actually were fortunate enough to have online resources to look up that Boston was potentially one of the best places for him to be.

 – Abigail, mother of Johnny, age 9, HLHS

 

Diagnosed later in life

At her six month appointment they heard it again, and then at nine months they didn’t, it back and forth. I adore our pediatrician, she was keeping an eye on it, but at the same time saying, “Don’t worry. The fact that we don’t hear it every time is a great sign.” At her 16 month appointment she heard it again, and she said, “I still hear the murmur and rather than having it hanging over you, why don’t we just get it checked off and send you to a cardiologist.”

The cardiologist said, “I can hear a murmur, but I can’t place it. Let me go grab another doctor.” She grabbed another doctor, and he said the same thing, and they listened for a long time. Meanwhile, I went in not worrying about a thing, just treating it like a routine something or other. But with more of these longer listens and serious faces, my heart was starting to race. She said “Okay, the EKG looks good and I don’t think we have any reason to worry, we just want to take a few quick pictures via echocardiogram.” She did the echo and Avery and I are waiting in the room, and waiting and waiting and every minute that passed I was like, “Oh God, this can’t be good. Why is it taking so long?” And the doctor walked in, she said “She did GREAT” and my heart just dropped, like “Oh God, a compliment is never going to be a good sign.” She said “But we did find a very large hole and it will need to be corrected. It’s called an atrial septal defect, an ASD.” I had never heard of any of these things.

 – Jessica, mother of Avery, age 2, ASD

 

We had our 18 month checkup with Serena when our pediatrician noticed a murmur. She didn’t make a big deal out of it, just “I heard this, you should get it checked out.” So we went to a cardiologist near us and they did discover that there was a hole in her heart. After that appointment, we were just trying to navigate all the different potential solutions. At some point along the way, we decided to go up to Boston to get a second opinion, and that’s kind of what led us to the whole process at Children’s.

 – Allen, father of Serena, age 2, ASD

 

We first learned that Zach had a heart defect when he was two days old. I was in the hospital for weeks because I went into premature labor, and I had twins, so I had ultrasounds every day, and it’s something that could have been detected, but they didn’t. The only reason we detected it at two days old with Zach is because his pediatrician who came to assess him in the hospital heard a heart murmur and asked for an echo. It was at that echo that they realized he was born with single ventricle.

 – Alice, mother of Zach, age 3, Single Ventricle

 

Nick: We were at home in Bermuda, it was our first check-up, I think she was seven days old. That was the first time we knew of any complications.

Shana: There was a heart murmur, so the doctor sent us for tests, and I guess during the echo it was sort of strange—the appointment was at 11 am, and we were still there at 4 pm, like they were just trying to find out what the deal was, and then when we were leaving, the doctor called us back and said, “I just spoke to her pediatrician and we want you to take Jade to the emergency room.” We went straight from his office over to the emergency hospital, and less than two hours later they told us they needed to take her by air ambulance to a bigger hospital and that was it! Seven days old. Didn’t know what was going on. I mean he didn’t get into detail in Bermuda, just that they heard something that wasn’t normal and they were going to air ambulance out.

Nick: At 2:59 AM a team of nurses came to Bermuda Hospital and off to Boston they went. Off the plane, into an ambulance, straight onto the highway, her and her mother, and I came up the following day on a commercial flight. We knew there was some things that wasn’t looking good with the heart, we didn’t know the extent of it. Once we got here, they explained to us what they had found and the congenital heart disease that she was experiencing and then somebody gave us a little overview, told us about the different defects that she has and that was all new to us. I had never even heard of anything like this before that day.

 – Nick and Shana, parents of Jade, age 6, Dextrocardia

 

I found out when he was two days old. I had no idea at all that he had a heart defect. I was 39, but by the time I delivered I’d be 40, so I was considered high-risk. The amnio was fine, everything looked great, so my doctor cancelled my level two ultrasound, which would have shown that there was a problem with his heart. He wasn’t feeding well, and he ended up in the level two nursery. They listened to his heart several times since he was born and never picked up a murmur. But late in that second day, the pediatrician was listening and she said “I hear a little something, it very well could be normal, but let’s get it checked.”

They did the echocardiogram, and I remember walking into the level two nursery to see him and he had all kinds of monitors hooked up to him. Nobody had said anything to me, and I’m like “What is all this for? Why does he have all this stuff on him?” And the nurses didn’t answer me. I knew something was going on, and they went and got the doctor that happened to be on that morning. I’m looking at the doctor and he couldn’t even make eye contact with me. He’s telling me, “Your baby is very, very sick, his heart didn’t fully develop.” And he’s giving me the news as if my baby’s not going to survive.

When we got to Children’s, the doctor was doing the echo and I said to her, “They told us at the other hospital that he has no pulmonary valve. Is that true?” And she turned around and she looked at me and she goes, “No, he doesn’t have a pulmonary valve, but he will.” And it was the first sign of, “my baby has a chance.” Up until that point, it was almost presented like there was no hope. We finally had some level of hope knowing that they might be able to save him.

 – Grace, mother of Austin, age 10, TOF

 

I first learned about it three days after she was born. She looked the picture of health but they looked because they knew I have cardiomyopathy and they knew my son had the gene. So they just went ahead and did an echo at 23 hours old and that’s when they saw it.

 – Dana, mother of Raegan, age 11, Cardiomyopathy with a Pacemaker

 

She was an infant, it was a heart murmur is what they said. They thought it was aortic stenosis. From there they monitored her and at first it was mild and it progressively got worse as she got older. It was something she didn’t know about until she was maybe 8, 9 or 10. She would just go—it was just another doctor. They would do an echo and she didn’t care what it was. She didn’t have any symptoms either—I guess we just weren’t too surprised, we didn’t really think much would come of it. We knew she’d to have surgery at some point but we were more on the thinking the 20 to 30 year frame. But then it accelerated a lot quicker.

 – Paul, father of Sierra, age 13, Anomalous Aortic Valve

 

When she was six years old, she suffered a sudden cardiac arrest while she was in gym class at school. She’s been since diagnosed with a genetic disorder called catecholaminergic polymorphic ventricular arrhythmia, CPVT. Because the disorder that she has, 99% of the time it first shows itself as cardiac arrest, there’s no prior warning. It’s not something that people would be tested for, and it’s not even necessarily something that would even show up on an EKG.

I was at home and I got a phone call—that dreaded phone call no parent wants to get, “Your child has collapsed at school, it’s very serious, we’ve called the emergency services, we want you to come straight down to school.” I live ten minutes away, so I drove down to the school. She’s lying on the gym floor, she’s still unconscious, but they’ve used the defibrillator to get her heart rate back. She’s still unconscious at that point, but they eventually move her into the ambulance, and she was due to come to the Boston Children’s, but the ambulance person said she wouldn’t make it that far, they wouldn’t be able to keep her stable enough, she wouldn’t survive the trip down to the Children’s, so they took her to a closer hospital instead. They took us straight into the ER. They eventually stabilized her enough where they said, “We’re now going to take her for an MRI to see brain activity.” She was initially down, they think for about seven minutes. On the way to the MRI, she had a second cardiac arrest, at which point the nurse did CPR on her again, used a defibrillator, stabilized her again, and they took her straight directly to the PICU where at that point they put her into a drug induced coma.

She was in a drug induced coma for almost a week. They said, “It’s time for us to take her off the incubator,” which was actually probably one of the scariest things. They said “You need to step outside the room for this. If she can’t breathe by herself, if she can’t swallow by herself, we need to intubate her straight away again, and from there we’ll make a decision on what’s the best thing to do.” Myself and my wife are sitting outside the room for five minutes, it feels like five days, they come out and they say “She’s breathing. She’s fine. She’s awake and she’s breathing.”

At that point, we go back into the room, of course she has no idea of anything, what’s happened to her. Her last memory before the event was me driving her to school, and it was Friday the 13th and we had this discussion about is Friday the 13th unlucky or lucky. And we’re still out on that—we don’t know if it was lucky or unlucky. Lucky she survived, unlucky this happened to her.

 – Jim, father of Chloe, age 13, CPVT

 

He was 17, very active, very healthy appearing, avid soccer player, avid skier, hiked Mount Katahdin, so it was shocking. We were sent to a cardiologist because his primary care doc had seen him just for a physical and his blood pressure was pretty erratic- low, high, low, so she thought we should see a cardiologist. So we thought we were going for a simple visit, probably for him to be told to eat less junk food and salt, and we walked out of there basically feeling like our life had been turned upside down. A completely healthy looking kid. The doctor said he could have the surgery but he still couldn’t play sports again, or he could live on the beta blockers. I’m a pediatric nurse practitioner, so I resisted the chronic medication, and then the cardiologist was not happy with me because I refused to put James on the medication until we talked to his primary care provider.

 – Melanie, mother of James, age 20, Anomalous Coronary Artery

 

I was diagnosed with ARVD, ventricular dysplasia, as an adult. I was treated with a defibrillator and have been absolutely fine ever since. We thought that if this was a genetic disease, which we didn’t even know if it was, it wouldn’t show up until late adolescence at the earliest, 20s, 30s, like it did for me. For my daughter this disease was exacerbated by exercise, it was an exercise induced arrhythmia. My daughter was a three varsity athlete as a freshman in high school when she had her first episode, which seemed out of the blue to us, but now when we look back there were some signs. She had an arrhythmia, really near cardiac arrest situation, and passed out and had a convulsion on the field at her sports practice. I knew right away what that was.

She came to Children’s and it seemed like there was some genetic ventricular arrhythmia disease. So we were hospitalized here for a little bit, then they put a monitor in her, a LINQ monitor at that time, and medication. I assumed it would go the same track as mine, which is “Okay, we’ve got this covered now, just the medication will do it.” She went back to playing sports as a goalie, which is not cardio which we thought would be fine, and then she had another really serious episode. After that, she had the defibrillator put in.

 – Amy, mother of Rebecca, age 19, ARVD