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Words of Wisdom
The Importance of Encouragement The one thing that I would want people to know about my family— my children— is that I always tell them that I love them no matter how big they are— no matter what. It’s so tough for children these days; if you look at TV or magazines, everybody wants to be a model size— everyone wants to look a certain way. I tell my children that we’re not all meant to be the same size or to look alike; everybody’s different. I really try to tell them that they’re special no matter what, and I try to encourage them that this is just one obstacle that they can move out of the way. I just let them know that I want them to be healthy and happy and that this is part of that. Don’t put kids down; if they do eat something that they’re not supposed to eat, just try to redirect them in a nice manner, because it’s tough; too much food is a very big temptation.
Because my daughter is so young, I have not wanted to make a huge deal about her weight. We call the program our “food plan,” not a diet. I try to lead by example every day by eating healthfully, and we try to exercise together.
Keep trying! It is a lifelong process. There are setbacks sometimes, but keep trying.
If you can, you should definitely talk to a nutritionist. Inform yourself about what is healthy and what is not, because I think a lot of people have the wrong ideas. Try to keep healthy food around and not junk food, because having junk in the house makes it much harder on the child and it’s not fair to them. Besides, it’s a good idea for the whole family to eat healthily. I carry a lot of guilt and I think it’s easier for me to say to somebody else, “Don’t do that” and “Don’t give up.” Weight loss plans can be very frustrating for you and for the child— it’s hard! Try to let your children know that you’re taking them to the clinic because you love them, you’re concerned about them and you want them to be happy, and that it’s worth giving whatever it is a try. There’s nothing to lose, and you may end up healthier and happier. Hopefully that’s the goal, and that’s what will happen. But I think you have to convince them of your own motivation, and suggest that they may actually feel better, and not just feel miserable.
The best advice is I have is that it’s not your fault. Being a Type I diabetic myself, I know that she was born with high insulin levels, and that that didn’t help her. I’ve always felt guilty, but that’s just how it was, and I’ve come to accept that. Don’t blame yourself, and if you need help— if you feel like you’re having a bad week or a bad month— don’t be afraid to call, because that’s what the clinicians are there for, and they’ve made that very clear. Don’t feel like you’re failing that week or failing that month just because you need extra help or you need new ideas.
The more of it you can do together, the easier it’s going to be. And the more you can support your child, the more helpful it will be, even though you don’t want to on some days. Don’t let your own needs go, but try to be consistent with your child; I think that’s the best way to help. And don’t be afraid to talk to people. When we talk about it around other people, I often find that they know somebody who’s going through something similar, or they’re going through it themselves. And they look to you for help, which is a good feeling.
You know the old saying: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” Never give up; it’s always worth it to make a little effort. If you fall down in the morning, pick it up at lunch. If you fall down at lunch, pick it up at dinner. Just keep going, and don’t let it get you down. Keep going and keep trying. If you hammer at a door long enough, eventually either someone will answer it or you’ll knock it down. So just keep trying.
I think the best thing to do is to make sure that the child knows that he is accepted for who he is, and that it doesn’t matter what he looks like. You have to let him know that it’s okay. We need to eat better for health reasons— to keep our hearts healthy, and to keep us energetic. I think that too many people put too much emphasis on how they look. We try not to bring up the weight issue; we try to make it a health issue. We try to limit how much soda we drink. We try to explain to our child, who is nine, “This is soda, and it has a lot of sugar. It doesn’t provide anything good for you. You need to drink water to rehydrate yourself.” Try to be specific about why they can’t have things, because children want to know why. The problem with soda is that it is the top thing served at so many events. It’s even harder if you have friends who can eat and drink whatever they want and never gain weight; the kids my son hangs around with are beanpoles— they could eat all day and never gain weight. So we had to explain to him that there are different body types and different metabolisms. It’s important for them to know that some people’s bodies can absorb things much more quickly than other people’s.
Fatigue is one of the greatest difficulties for him; he really does get fatigued. Even people at his school told me he gets tired easily, not only during sports, but also during schoolwork. Whether it’s all related to weight, I have no clue, but I’m sure his weight does play a role.
Anything is possible. Don’t get discouraged; just love your child for who he is, and accept him with all of the good that he has. Stress those things more than the things he has to work on. And try to be creative; what works for one person might not work for another, but do what you can and then pass it on to others who might need help.
I think being overweight is a big social issue. Being called names, not being able to find the right clothes— these are real problems. You can find bigger sizes in clothes online at many stores; some go up to size twenty. I’d do anything to help her lose weight. I just tell her, “It’s for your health. The biggest issue is your health.”
We start over again after setbacks. We look at it afresh. That’s what we did last time when she’d put almost all of the weight she had lost back on. We just tried to start over; we started the calendar anew, with new exercises. We even had a prize for just going into Boston and going through the clinic appointments— an extra hour of TV or some time with me. Something simple, so that we kind of bonded again and said, “We’re at it again; this is what we do.” So we looked at it afresh.
Look to as many sources as you can find to learn more about nutrition and exercise. There are gyms out there that are starting up for kids. I just happened to be talking to someone, and I found out that there’s one starting up in our hometown; my daughter can’t wait. There are so many sources out there for activities for kids. If you can’t go to a clinic, go to a local weight loss program so you know how to balance some things on your own. My experience with a program like that, combined with her clinician’s advice, helps the nutrition information make so much more sense. If you understand more about what’s in the makeup of food, it’ll help you make their diet better.
I would recommend getting the children involved in cooking and food preparation, and letting them see that it’s not about weight in pounds. Also, I think a lot of times people reward with food, and that’s not good. We go to the dollar store or to a movie instead— something like that.
She’s been the inspiration; she’s really my inspiration. I always say that if she had been any different, it would have been more difficult for me. But that’s just the way she is. If they’re not like that, I think you just have to be strong and realize how difficult it is and what they’re going through. It’s not easy, but once they get into it and they feel good about themselves, you just want to keep reinforcing how good they look, and how good they feel. |
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Copyright © 2005, Children's
Hospital Boston Department of Psychiatry. All Rights Reserved. The information on this website should not be taken as medical advice, which can only be given to you by your personal health care professional. July 10, 2005 |
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