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Friends and Social Situations
Sometimes it’s hard being overweight because you get teased a lot. And you don’t really like being teased, so it makes you feel aggravated and sad. Most of my friends are very close, so they all know about my situation. They are like my mom— always helping me and supporting me.
My weight has gotten in the way a lot. It’s been hard making friends at school, playing sports, and doing things that a lot of my friends do. There are some things that I can’t do with them, like sports practices, going for a run, or meeting friends somewhere. It’s hard to be there when I can’t do those kinds of things.
I talk to my friends about my weight, but not seriously. All my friends are within the ideal weight range, but they’re always saying, “I’m so fat. I can’t believe I’m so fat.” I’ll sit there think, “You’re not fat— look at me.” So I’ll confront them and say, “If you think you’re fat, what about me?” But other than that, we don’t really touch the subject of weight, because it’s not really important to us.
At first, like any other kid who was teased, I got upset but didn’t think that I could do anything about it. Now it doesn’t make a difference to me whether they tease me or not. I know that I can change it if I want to. I can change it, and I’m trying to now.
I just tell my friends that I think the changes I made are better for me. If I hadn’t done this [weight loss plan] before I grew up, I might be a little fatter. But also, in the long run, because I’m doing this, I’ll be thinner than all of my friends. They eat a lot now and they don’t get fat, but when they get older they might gain weight. I just tell them that it’s better for them if they do this, but they don’t have to. I chose it.
On special occasions, I’ll just eat what I want to that day. My mom will say, “You can eat that, but tomorrow we’re going to watch what you eat.”
The only time people make fun of me is when they first meet me. Once they get to know me they don’t care anymore. When people first meet me they think that I am a loser. They will sit there and make fun of me for no reason.
I explain how my tumor caused my weight gain to anyone I meet. I make sure I’m not ashamed of it, but also I explain what it’s like. We tend to look at people and put ourselves in their shoes. There is the typical stereotype of someone who is overweight: they eat too much, or they are lazy. I remember thinking before my brain tumor, “Boy, if I eat this much and don’t gain weight, they must really eat a lot.” So I look at my weight gain as an opportunity to educate people and make them understand how hard it is.
More than anything, my friends and family have been there. And they’ve made it clear that they don’t look at me any differently for being overweight. They understand the typical stuff: when I got out of breath, they would wait for me, and they’d be like, “Come on. Come on.” And there is always someone there to exercise with me or play tennis with me. More than anything, during the periods when it’s easy to get down, just having somebody there to smile and talk with is important.
A lot of the healthy food tastes okay if you make it the right way. It’s annoying, though, when the clinicians say that you can go out to eat but that you have to “be good.” That’s annoying because then you see other people eating regular fried foods, and that makes it hard.
My weight stops me from going to the beach a lot, because I don’t feel comfortable in a bathing suit.
Probably the whole social issue is the most difficult thing. A lot of kids are pretty used to the same kind of people they hang out with; they’re not really willing to meet different people. They’ll make fun of you if you’re different from them.
Here is one good example of when I’ve been teased. My best friend is a guy, and this other girl likes him. She keeps going up to him and saying, “Nina’s fat, so you shouldn’t like her. You should be my best friend, and you shouldn’t hang out with her anymore.” I didn’t really pay attention to her because I knew that my friend wouldn’t care what she said. So I didn’t say anything to her, but then she kept saying that to him, so I told a teacher and we handled it.
I think you have to feel good about yourself to feel good about anything. First, you have to have confidence in yourself. Nowadays, people form their first impression and they judge right away. I think that shouldn’t be the biggest thing, but for some people it is, like kids at school.
People mostly tease me behind my back. I know that they are talking about me and I try to ignore it. I want to yell at them, but I don’t, because I know and the teachers know that I am a good child and I don’t want to act out in the middle of class. But trust me; there have been times when I just wanted to rage at them.
I’m sure some kids make assumptions about me because of my weight, especially the popular kids in my class. None of my friends do because they understand. People who don’t know what I’m dealing with probably judge me, but I don’t care about them.
I think the most difficult thing is mostly self-image— how you view yourself. I guess being overweight can make you less confident. I know that I think about this all the time: “If I were thinner, there would be so many more things that I would do. I would be more outgoing and not afraid to say things or do things.” It ties you down and keeps you from being who you really want to be.
There is one assumption that I always think about people making: if I’m eating lunch or something, they’ll think that fat people eat more. But that’s not necessarily true. When I used to get made fun of, there would always be fast food jokes, but the thing is, what if I had a disease that made me gain weight, or I was on medicine that made me gain weight? How terrible would they feel if I couldn’t help it? People just assume that fat people eat more and that they’re lazy.
Sometimes I do hide what I eat. Not when I’m at home, because I don’t care what my grandmother says. But when I’m at school I don’t like to eat in front of people. I’ll just wait until I get home or eat a light snack. Sometimes you can’t help but worry about what other people are thinking of you.
My weight has gotten in the way of my doing a lot of things that my friends do, like sports. When I was younger I used to play softball a lot, but it was always hard because even at practice I couldn’t run like everyone else. I couldn’t run a lap around the field because I would get out of breath. I had friends who would walk with me because they knew I couldn’t run it, but it’s always hard when everybody around you can do things and you can’t. Like at school in gym we have to do these physical fitness tests, and normally I can never come near the requirements. It’s always hard when you know that everybody else can do it and you can’t.
Talking to Friends about Weight I don’t really talk about my weight a lot with my friends. And they don’t really see it as a problem or hold it against me. Sometimes I’ll talk about it and tell them that it really sucks and that they’re lucky they’re not big. And it really makes me mad when they say, “Oh, I’m so fat,” and they’re like a size two.
I’ve found a couple stores where I can shop without a problem. But I can’t just go into a store where my friends shop and buy clothes, because they don’t fit me. So unless I go shopping with someone my size, I don’t really go shopping. I mean, I go shopping with them, but I don’t ever buy clothes. It’s definitely hard to find clothes that fit, especially stylish clothes. I don’t want to wear old lady clothes just because they fit.
I don’t really like to exclude myself from what’s going on, so if I’m out with my friends, I’m not going to go to a different place to eat, but I’m also not going to choose something that’s bad. If they’re getting fried food, I might get a sandwich or something that I think is a better choice, but I’m not going to exclude myself from what they’re doing and go to a different restaurant just because they don’t have salads or something.
People have made assumptions about me. When I first moved here, people didn’t talk to me at first, because they thought, “Oh, she’s just a miserable fat person; she’s not going to want to be friends with anybody. She’s just unhappy.” But then one or two people talked to me, and they decided, “Oh, she’s not that bad,” and spread the word. After that I had more friends. But at first, everyone was like, “Wow, she’s different.” In a small town, there are probably two or three people who are big. It’s a minority, so it’s different.
The most difficult thing for me about my weight is that when I’m playing with my friends it can be hard to keep up with them.
I think the people around you are the most difficult part of being overweight. They can be really hard on you. Whether you are fat or not, other people just think that you shouldn’t be overweight. I think that [my weight] makes everyone else uncomfortable, but not so much me.
Other people probably assume that I eat too much, I’m lazy, I don’t do anything, and I sit around the house all day and stuff my face. They think things like that.
People often think that I am a tough girl because I am bigger then most other girls my age. They think I have a lot more power, but I really don’t.
Sometimes I think people make assumptions about me. I was on a ton of medications and I was always really outgoing and happy, but then I went into this depression, and when I came out of it and started going out again, I was overweight. I just felt people were talking about me and thought there was something wrong with me, like I was crazy. I was very lucky in that I went through junior high and most of high school before my brain tumor. I didn’t even start gaining weight until I was 16, and I had a great group of friends who were very understanding. But my last years of high school were really hard. People said really cruel things. But going off to college was a wonderful experience. I went to a women’s college and people were so understanding. They didn’t even evaluate you based on the way you looked.
Also, one of the reasons I’ve really loved going into elementary education since then is I really love the way kids that age look at things. I remember substituting in a class one day, and a little boy came up to me and said, “My friend calls you fat, but I said to him, ‘You shouldn’t call her fat. She can’t help it; she had a brain tumor. You shouldn’t call her that because you don’t understand.’” I just loved hearing this from a kid; he had really learned something.
It’s embarrassing and upsetting when I can’t go on certain rides at an amusement park, and when I can’t fit into certain clothes.
You get into a very deep depression because you don’t like the way that you look. You can’t fit into normal clothes, and the clothes that you can wear feel uncomfortable.
I try to hide the fact that I am dieting. I know I shouldn’t feel embarrassed, but I am self-conscious about it, so I just try to hide it. If by chance the topic of my weight came up— say I brought it up— I would blame it on medication or my insulin levels being off. I have trouble taking responsibility for my weight gain.
I think I was teased once in sixth grade, and I was just like, “Good job pointing out the obvious.” It doesn’t really bother me that much because I know I have [a weight] problem. |
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Hospital Boston Department of Psychiatry. All Rights Reserved. The information on this website should not be taken as medical advice, which can only be given to you by your personal health care professional. July 10, 2005 |
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