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Coping
At first I was nervous about starting the program, but after going there a couple of times you get used to it and you stay on track more.
Being weighed at the doctor’s office is one of the most terrifying things. I hate knowing my weight. It’s something that doesn’t faze anyone else, but it just scares me so much.
Starting a Weight Loss Program I came to the program because my neurologist suggested it. Right now I have something called a pseudo tumor [in my brain]. They’re not really sure how I got it. One of the possibilities is that it’s my weight, and since I’m already overweight they figured it would be easier if I worked on my weight so they could cross that off the list of things that it could be. It was interesting to go talk to the people at the clinic. It was sort of awkward at first because I’d never done anything like that before, but I learned a lot there about eating and what I should eat— just basic knowledge. They gave me a bunch of menus with different foods to eat, and I found that really helpful.
I think anyone struggling with weight knows that they need to lose weight, but it’s finding the motivation to do it that’s the problem. Everyone knows that people eat because of emotion and not always just because they’re hungry. When you’re overweight, you get depressed when people make fun of you, and that’s one of the hardest things. When people are telling you that you need to lose weight, it just makes you want to eat more. So the hardest thing is coming to the realization that you can’t fix everything with food, and that you really need to stop eating. Not completely, obviously, but regulate meal times, and even allow yourself a snack or two a day— just don’t overdo it. For me that was the hardest thing.
I’ve been teased a lot about my weight. I’d usually just brush it off and say, “Well, they don’t know me, and that’s their fault,” and things like that. But inside, I’d really take it to heart, and instead of trying to fix my problem, I’d go get myself a bag of chips or something. It’s really hard for me, because I’m a very emotional person. So, when people would make fun of me, all I felt like doing was going to my room and hiding and crying. And that’s how I really dealt with people making fun of me: secluding myself and trying to avoid people as much as possible instead of confronting them and saying, “You know, it’s not my fault.”
The clothing styles that are in right now don’t fit my body type at all. But I try, if I really like a style, so I’ll go and try on a halter-top, but it just doesn’t fit. It’s really upsetting— I hate shopping for clothes. So I don’t go; my mom goes shopping for me. She’ll buy me clothes and I’ll try them on at home. I’d much rather try them on at home than be in the store fitting room, because I’ll pull on things that I know I can’t fit into, and then I’ll get myself upset about it, and then I’m just no fun to shop with anymore. So I have a problem with that. Now my mom goes out and buys clothes that will fit me, I try them on, and the ones I don’t like she’ll exchange for something better. That’s my way around that.
Sometimes my weight is difficult, because my body temperature goes up as it gets hot. I get overheated very easily, so it’s hard to do stuff in the middle of the day. So I look for ways to exercise in the evenings. Also, with my eating, I made little changes, like making sure to eat at regular intervals, watching the amount I eat, and really cutting down on starches. I’m eating more vegetables and proteins, and I’m really conscious of things. That made a huge difference.
I explain how my tumor caused my weight gain to anyone I meet. I make sure they know I’m not ashamed of it, but I also explain what it’s like. We tend to look at people and put ourselves in their shoes. There is the typical stereotype of someone who is overweight: someone who eats too much or is lazy. I remember thinking before my tumor, “Boy, if I eat this much and don’t gain weight, they must really eat a lot.” So I look at my experience as an opportunity to educate people and make them understand how hard it is.
I got so frustrated right after my tumor with the plus size stores. The clothes there look like old lady clothes. I remember going to one shortly after I started gaining weight, and they had puffy pink t-shirts and old lady house dresses, which was frustrating. I shopped for a long time at this one store in the mall, but then they changed ownership and it was all spandex stuff, and it used to drive me nuts to see a size 28 that was spandex. But I found a number of catalogs that made a difference. One of them is dedicated to the active life and plus-size women. They have sportswear up to size 6X, and it’s made a big difference.
Here is one good example of when I’ve been teased. My best friend is a guy, and this other girl likes him. She keeps going up to him and saying, “Nina’s fat, so you shouldn’t like her. You should be my best friend, and you shouldn’t hang out with her anymore.” I didn’t really pay attention to her because I knew that my friend wouldn’t really care what she said. So I didn’t say anything to her, but then she kept saying that to him, so I told a teacher and we handled it.
I think my weight is more important to me than to anyone else, because I’m the one who has to live with it. I have to deal with being overweight. Other people don’t have to the way I do.
I think the most difficult thing about losing weight is motivation. Sometimes you just don’t want to do it and you want to say, “Forget it.” But you can’t do that; you have to keep working at it.
I think you have to feel good about yourself to feel good about anything. First, you have to have confidence in yourself. Nowadays, people form their first impression and they judge right away. I think that shouldn’t be the biggest thing, but for some people it is, like kids at school.
If anything happens, like if you gain weight, don’t give up, ever. Don’t say, “Oh no, I gained a pound. It’s never going to happen— I am never going to lose the weight ever, and my whole life is going to be horrible.” Just say, “It’s not that big a deal, and I will try harder next time.”
People mostly tease me behind my back. I know that they are talking about me and I try to ignore it. I want to yell at them, but I don’t, because I know and the teachers know that I am a good child, and I don’t want to act out in the middle of class. But trust me; there have been times when I just wanted to rage at them.
I’m sure some kids make assumptions about me because of my weight, especially the popular kids in my class. None of my friends do because they understand. People who don’t know what I’m dealing with probably judge me, but I don’t care about them.
At the doctor’s office, I just step on the scale and then it’s over with. It’s quick, fast and doesn’t matter. It’s between you, the doctor and your parents. If you want, you can share it with your friends, but no one else has to know.
It was hard to find clothes at first because I was never a straight size; I was always in between. Then I came across a store near my house that carries clothes for plus size girls and I went there and it was like a dream, because I could finally find clothes, and I wasn’t even buying the biggest size. In most clothing stores, I would have to buy the biggest size and it would make me feel bad about myself, but in this store they went up to the high twenties in sizes. It was actually like I was getting one of the smaller sizes, and that made me feel really good about myself.
Talking to Friends about Weight I don’t really talk about my weight a lot with my friends. And they don’t really see it as a problem or hold it against me. Sometimes I’ll talk about it and tell them it really sucks and that they’re lucky they’re not big. It really makes me mad when they’re like, “Oh, I’m so fat,” and they’re like a size two.
I’ve found a couple of stores where I can shop without a problem. But I can’t just go into a store where my friends shop and buy clothes, because they don’t fit me. So unless I go shopping with someone my size, I don’t really go shopping. I mean, I might go shopping with people, but I don’t ever buy clothes. It’s definitely hard to find clothes that fit, especially stylish clothes. I don’t want to wear old lady clothes just because they fit.
I’ve been to the same doctor since I was little, so I feel really comfortable with him and I don’t feel embarrassed. But if I’m sick and I go to the hospital and get weighed, it’s kind of weird, because since they don’t know me they probably just figure, “Why isn’t she doing anything about this?” Once in middle school I went to the nurse to get weighed and she said, “Oh, that’s way too high; you need to do something about that.” After that I didn’t ever want to be weighed by someone who didn’t know me and my weight.
The hardest thing about being on my diet is when I see my brother eating stuff that I can’t have. Then I just feel depressed and sad. But I know he’s not going to be healthy when he grows up, and I am. That’s all I have to remember to make me feel better.
I was never overweight until last year. Before, I weighed 130 lbs, but I probably gained 50 lbs in the last six months. It [made me feel] really gross. I gained weight mostly because I used to be so active playing soccer that once I stopped, I gained weight. I know it’s kind of depressing, but now I have motivation to lose the weight.
I have never been teased because I have a lot of friends. I’m friendly with everyone, so I don’t think anyone would want to hurt my feelings. But still I feel … I know that they know I have changed. I still feel that people are saying things about me gaining weight.
It’s so hard finding clothes to wear! I went from being a size four to [feeling] disgusting. It’s hard to shop at stores where I used to shop. Now I just wear a baggy sweatshirt to try to hide myself.
I try to not let [my weight] bother me, and I act like it doesn’t bother me around my parents, but it bothers me so much. I try to act around others as though my weight doesn’t bother me too, but it’s hard to keep up that front.
Getting weighed is the worst! Sometimes I can’t even look at the scale.
Talk to your parents about [teasing.] You can try to ignore how upset it makes you, but then it will just keep building up inside you until you explode. Let it out to your parents— vent. They will help you. Don’t keep it inside, because if you do, you will eventually blow. And confront the person who is bothering you. They will probably be shell-shocked if you go up to them and tell them, “I really don’t like it when you tease me; please stop.” But if they just keep at you, tell your mom and dad.
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Copyright © 2005, Children's
Hospital Boston Department of Psychiatry. All Rights Reserved. The information on this website should not be taken as medical advice, which can only be given to you by your personal health care professional. July 10, 2005 |
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