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Words of Wisdom
I think that, for kids that have emotional issues, any time you can ease their anxiety, you help them to be able to focus on controlling their issues. We ask them to focus on controlling themselves so much, so if we can ease their anxiety in other areas, I think we help them tremendously. Things like enabling them to wear what they want to wear, or feeling comfortable in that way, I think helps them tremendously. Get a formal diagnosis. Don’t let your pediatrician diagnose and dispense meds. And, don’t allow the school to drive your decision making regarding meds, therapy, and accommodations. Read all you on the subject— get educated. Be sure that you, your family and friends make accommodations for the child’s challenges. Get help right away! Get them tested right away! Start the meds as soon as “you” feel it is necessary. Read everything you can about it, choose carefully who you tell about it and respect the child’s needs and feelings about it. Understand what the problem is, know that there is a lot of education of extended family that might have to take place, and that you need to protect the child from negative judgment of others. Of course that comes with educating yourself so that you are not judging your child unfairly. And then, the medications can only augment all those other things, but I really feel like they both have to be in place. I read all the information I can get, and go to as many seminars or speakers I can. I take bits and pieces of each that work for us and incorporate them into our routine. That is really important, to have a good routine. They know what to expect. That was hard for us at first. We found that the more organized we were and the more of a routine the boys had, the smoother things went. I would encourage parents to use every resource that is available. Whether it is a guidance counselor… There is no shame in getting tested for learning disabilities. Instead of calling them learning disabilities what you really want to do is call them learning styles. Find out what your child’s learning style is. Not everybody learns the same way. Don’t be ashamed. Don’t be in denial. If you know that something is not going well with your child, look for help: talk to your pediatrician, turn wherever you can, and if you don’t get answers from one person don’t stop. That would be the one thing that I would say. In the beginning I think I was just turning to teachers to solve the problem, “This can’t be right, she’s a bright kid. How can she not be doing well in your classroom? Are you sure you are giving her all the right information?” I would say just be open to the fact that your child might need more resources. I just think get to know who your kid is. Find things that they can do that make them feel really good. So when you’re chipping away at the things that are hard, they have this outlet. I don’t like having drums in our house, but we have drums in our house, a whole set. That’s good for him. I think that you need to be honest in getting your child evaluated and if in your heart you feel that they could be helped with medication then don’t let anyone talk you out of it because they think you are whatever. I think each family has to decide what is best for their child. Whenever people say these kids are overmedicated, I always say, “Some of them really do need the medicine, it really does help them.” I think that is important for parents to know that they shouldn’t let anyone else judge the decisions they make if they are doing the best thing for their child. And then the other thing is to then get away from the label of what your child is, that they are Andrew or Emma. Just like every kid has a personality they just have this part of their personality and then you have to treat them individually. Just be real patient. Cause it can be real hard sometimes. When you raise children who have a special need, who need more of you, or who need to rely on you more either because they are physically ill or they are disorganized. It becomes a rather complicated situation and it changes every year. It changes at every developmental level. I encourage parents to talk with somebody, as I have, and try to get as many views as possible on how to manage the ADD and when to move in and when to step back. Of course there is no one way to do it. Kids at 17 don’t want to think about that kind of thing. I just encourage parents to talk to friends, family and professional people and not just think that throwing a pill at it is the whole deal because it really is not. People need to look at their own backgrounds If you had any issues of your own growing up, you can’t help but go back there when trying to help your children with their issues or problems. I had undiagnosed learning problems and I was never helped with them. I’ve been fine. I’m a professor teaching at graduate school, but it was a long hard slog for me. I was determined that my kids were going to get early tutoring if they needed it and I wasn’t going to miss a thing. But then it becomes a little confusing about who you are doing it for. That is not going be an identical case with other moms and dads, but you do find that you have to pay attention to what it means to you, what it might remind you of, or what you are trying to make up for in the next generation that you didn’t get. Maybe you had a parent who neglected you or maybe you had a parent who overdid it. So in one case you don’t move in quickly enough and in another case you move in too quickly. That’s the usual thing with raising children, but I think when you have children who have issues it brings it out even more. The one thing I would say is that people need to look to their own backgrounds and see what it might mean to them that they have a child with ADD. Change therapist if not comfortable If you aren’t comfortable with a therapist, don’t stay with the therapist longer than you need to. I think that was one piece that would have helped us if someone had let us know. At the time there were very few child clinicians; it’s really grown since then. There was great pressure to stay with one therapist because there were so few to choose from. I wish we had been more assertive earlier on that it wasn’t the right fit for us. So, that would have made a big difference if we had been more assertive at the time. For an in-depth explanation of medications commonly used for treating ADHD, please visit “An explanation of commonly-used ADHD medications” in The Clinicians Speak section of this site. The diagnosis and treatment of ADHD and other psychiatric disorders requires consultation with trained medical professionals. The information provided on this Web site is not intended as medical advice and should not be used as a substitute for seeking professional care if you have any questions concerning your medical or psychiatric health or the medical or psychiatric health of your child. This website is intended for parents and older adolescents, and contains candid discussions about the impact of ADHD. Young children should not view this site unless they have a parent or therapist present. |
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Copyright © 2007, Children's
Hospital Boston Department of Psychiatry. All Rights Reserved. The information on this website should not be taken as medical advice, which can only be given to you by your personal health care professional. Updated: February 12, 2007 |
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